Thursday, December 11, 2008

What if the church were run like an airline?

From Todd Rhoades Blog, Monday Morning Insight:

I travel quite a bit, and have been watching all the up-charges that the airlines have been passing on to customers. From paying for the first checked bag, to fuel surcharges, to purchasing soft drinks, they have really socked it to the consumer with all the new charges. I was thinking... particularly during this economic trying time for many churches, maybe we should take some advice from the airlines. Here are some things that I think we could take from the airline world and apply to our churches that might help get us through these trying times:

--First donut free; each additional donut is 75 cents.

--All aisle seats are now $10/week. Back row premium seating available for $20 per week.

--First ear plug is free. Additional earplugs just $5 each.

--iPod rental with a Perry Noble sermon - $20 upcharge

Oh... there's more...

--Valet parking: $20 plus tip

--No Bible charge: $10

--Cell phone ringing during service: $50 one time charge

--Late to service fee: $10/pp

--"Sing that chorus one less time” request: $20

--Nursery diaper change fee: $5/lb.

--KJV upgrade to NIV: $15

--U-PIC the sermon topic: $250

--Hit job on the organist (rates vary per city/church)

--Online tithing discount rate: 8%

--Music Volume Up fee: $20

--Music Volume Down fee: $20

What would you add?

(Thanks, Todd. This is great!)


Michael said...

Crying baby during sermon because mommy won't put child in the daycare for one hour!!! $100/sermon

Anonymous said...

-- A $1 toll charge for those who have to get up in the middle of the sermon to use the bathroom requiring everyone to awkwardly shift to let the person out; $3 for churches whose pews have no leg room. Yearly pass available for $35/70.

M. Steve Heartsill said...

Oh Michael...that's why we pay the $30 premium charge for the back pew, aisle seats! See...leave it to Christians to figure out a way to cheat the church!

Anonymous said...

Well, my favorite is that you have to pay for you luggage. GRR!!!!

Our McDonalds is now charging .15 for any "extra" condiments.

Anonymous said...

I should have said "bringing in your baggage." I mean, how many people come to church with lots of baggage!? LOL!

Anonymous said...

Oh Michael, I revisited this thread today and after what I experienced last night, that 100.00should be raised to 500.00! I was at Holy Family Cathedral for a concert and the children kicked the kneeling pads, stood and tap danced on the beautiful wooden pews, wailing, tapping was just AWFUL and parents did NOTHING. The Tulsa Youth Chorale doesn't sing on mic and in the Cathedral the accoustics are beautiful. You can imagine what the accousitics do for banging and crying. The parents did NOTHING. I'm tolerant of little ones who likely should not have been forced to be in that situation. I'm NOT tolerant of the parents who don't act responsibly though.

Matt Harmless said...

I like some of those ideas.

J. Guy Muse said...

Love it! Thanks for sharing this.

Rick Boyne said...

Michael, AMEN!

Will, very, very good. Although, I am no longer directly effected by these folks; I have a special place to stand for the whole service!

Steve, that's not cheating! Just adding to the LMCO account!

Becky, $.15? Wow! I don't go to McD's so I didn't know about that! Your second comment was funny!

Any more to add?

Anonymous said...

How 'bout a $10.00 napping fee during the sermon?


Rick Boyne said...

Oooh, Sally! I like that one!