Memories of Mamou

I knew better, but I did it anyway.

We were living in Mamou, Guinea. That's in West Africa, for the geographically challenged. Wikipedia says it has a population of abut 76,000 people. It was our first post in Africa in 1998.

Life is fairly simple, but very hard. Poverty is rampant and Islam has stifled  practically every aspect of the Fulani culture. The people were oppressed from nearly every side, but because we were in the rain forest, famine wasn't as bad as in other parts of Africa.

We were living in a house that had been home to missionaries for years.  It was a comfortable 5 room house with 2 bathrooms. It had running water (with a 2000 liter storage tank) and electricity. Well, sort of.

Mamou, Guinea - 1998

City electricity was interesting, to say the least. On the standard 220v 50hz system, sometimes it only provided 20-30 volts. Other times, so much current came through that it burst the lightbulbs in our ceiling fans.

Most of the time, we simply didn't have city electricity. The story was that some official had embezzled the money earmarked for a city-sized diesel generator and had fled to France. Since our "regular" electricity came from a hydro-electric generator at the nearby reservoir, we had "good" electricity during the rainy season, which lasted from July to August. After August, we were rationed until all the water ran out of the reservoir until they simply shut off the city supply. The rest of the time, we used a portable gasoline powered generator.

Things would have been better had we owned a diesel power generator, which brings me to my story.

Our helper, Amadou, told us that our trash pit was full and needed to be burned. I should have just let him to it. (mistake number 1)  The pit was about 6x6x12 and was where be put everything from household trash to cut limbs and other debris from the yard.

Our night guard, Ibrahim, used a little kerosene lantern to shine (usually while he slept) during his night duty. I wish I remembered that I bought a gallon or two of kerosene for his lantern (mistake number 2)

I went out to look at the pit. It was indeed full. I looked around for something to light to catch the pit on fire. I found some rags, but they wouldn't  burn.

In my search, I spied my cans of gasoline that we use to run the generator. I figured that I could pour a little bitty teeny tiny amount in the pit and get the fire going. (mistake number 3)

I found a small little cup and poured perhaps a half a cup of gasoline into the pit. I stood back and threw in a lit match. Nothing.

I found a piece of paper or something and lit it and tossed it into the pit. Nothing.

Reasoning that I simply didn't have enough propellent, I poured in two or three more cups of gasoline. (mistake number 4)

I stood back, lit a match, threw it in and was knocked backwards by the explosion that sent burning banana leaves 20 feet into the air.

The explosion was so loud, that it made the pedestrian traffic stop on the national highway below the mountain to stop, look up, and wonder what those crazy white people were up to again.

Amadou told me to let him burn the trash pit the next time. I told him that I thought that was a good idea.

KBA Fun

Jimmy Monroe, the youth minister at Immanuel Baptist Church in Muskogee, lost a bet with the kids that they couldn't memorize the books of the Bible.

Get Ready!

Ouch!

Mmm!  Chocolate!

Something Funny

Last week or so, Audrey had a special assignment for one of her classes.  It was a "how to" assignment.  She chose "how to make tuna casserole".

She stayed up late the night before it was due, preparing the dish, so she could get up early the next morning and put it in the oven.

The presentation was supposed to be at about 1 pm or so.  Audrey went into the teacher's break room only to find it not in the refrigerator.  She looked around for it and finally found it on the table, but when she opened the cover, the casserole wasn't there and the dish had been washed!

She gasped in distress and one of the teacher volunteers asked her what was wrong.  She said that her class project was gone.  The volunteer got a worried look on her face and said, "that was class project?  It was delicious.  We thought you brought it for Teacher Appreciation Week."  She then showed her a small cereal bowl sized dish that had some left-overs in it.

She took her empty casserole dish and leftovers back to the class and explained it to her teacher.  The teacher said it was ok and to go ahead and give the presentation.  Audrey brought some plastic forks and everyone had a very small bite of her casserole, explaining to the class "The teachers ate my casserole."

The teacher told me that it was absolutely delicious and she'd get an "A+".

I guess "all's well that ends well."

Take the Cell Phone AWAY!

I found this today about a kid who thought that the $10 donated to Haiti relief came from somewhere OTHER than his parents' cell phone bill:


see more funny facebook stuff!

Bubba and Edith

Bubba and Edith are bona fide rednecks. They live down in Southern Alabama, out in the woods.

After having nine children, they decided to go to a doctor to see about Bubba getting "fixed". The doctor makes all the necessary preparations and everything is set to go.

Before proceeding, however, the doctor inquires, "Why did you wait until you've had nine children before deciding to take care of this?"

Bubba answered, "Well Doc. We've heard that one out of ten children born in the United States are Mexican and we don't speak Spanish."

The Rumor

Ever been a part of a rumor mill? Have you ever been the topic of a rumor?

Well, I am currently the center of a hilariously false rumor going around town. I heard about it at the Hog Fry last Saturday.

One of the guests at the event heard several things about our church lately. It all started with our starting a new church, the Native Fellowship Baptist Church, which meets in our fellowship hall. There is a history with our church that goes back about 7-10 years, which includes two church splits and LOTS of hard feelings. (I didn't know all of the history when I took the church, but that isn't important right now.)

About ten days ago or so, I put up a new message on our road-side sign that said, "New Church Plant Event, Indian Hog Fry, Saturday 1-5 pm"

Then later in the week, the following ad came out in the Wagoner Tribune:

Well, my friend saw one of her friends out at Wal-Mart and was told, "It's about time that Immanuel Baptist Church finally shut down! I'm glad there's another church going in there." Then she also heard from another friend that I had resigned!

Personally, I am conflicted about these rumors. On one hand, I think they are funny! God is doing such amazing things at our church that the evil one thinks (thought) he could sabotage it with silly rumors. On the other hand, I am sad that people, even church-going folk don't understand about churches starting other churches. It happens so seldom that when it does, people think that one church is 'going out of business' and another one is going to take its place.

I am so proud of my church. They are living out the Great Commission in the best way they know how, one step at a time. They are finally looking outside of the four walls and seeing the lostness of our own society. Soon, as we grow together, they will recognize the need is greater than even their own neighbors and will take the Good News to areas that are different than their own comfort zone.

Last Sunday, I announced the Oklahoma-East Asia Partnership and mentioned that we need to participate BY GOING! I had a lot of people give the "second look" kind of thing when I said that everyone who just said in their heart "not me" is probably the ones that will end up going!

These kinds of rumors are almost funny; there are other kinds though, that ruin reputations. I hope I'm never the center of THOSE kids of rumors!

My Week at KBA

I volunteered to do any job that no one else wanted to do, or the job that needed to be done. I'm not sure which category it fell into, but I was asked to "do" security at KBA. Having "done" security at our big meetings overseas where we hire two dozen locals to be security guards, where we constantly are concerned with agents from unfriendly countries trying to work their way into our meetings, and where we have consultants come from the US to assess our security strengths and weaknesses, this would be a piece of cake!


This was my "office" for the week.


I worked all alone the first day, registering vehicles and handing out security passes. It wasn't fun in the 103 degree weather, but someone had to do it. The first day, the A/C in the hut didn't work very well and I really did think I was going to have a heat stroke. But, some wonderful ladies from one of the churches had pity on me and brought me some ice water! PTL!


Because I was working "security" I also had to "mind the front gate". This meant that I opened it in the morning and closed it at night. If anyone needed in our out after hours, they came through me. My motel room was the on at the end on the right. One night (or morning) at about 3 am, I had a knock on the door. I was in a drooling dead sleep, but was aroused to take care of it. I heard the men say that they had a camper "with really bad gas" and they needed to take him to the hospital. Well, it was three in the morning; I wasn't going to argue or question the need to take a kid to the hospital over "bad gas". As it turned out, the kid had fallen off his bunk and had a "really bad gash" and needed some stitches. Well, you try....


Throughout the week, the kids were given clues to find colored beads in which to make a witnessing bracelet. Wednesday was the Security Hut's day to give out green beads. Almost every kid in camp came by to ask for green beads. I pretended to misunderstand them and told them that we didn't have any green beans. It was a lot of fun. Later that afternoon, the fire department showed up and asked where the fire was. We were unaware of one and they said there was a report of a forest fire threatening our cabins. That threw us into high gear and we chased all over camp looking for it. On the far edge of camp, we came across someone (on the outside of camp) who was burning trash. A far cry from a forest fire. We were very impressed, however, that two fire trucks and a bulldozer showed up to protect us and the forest! Thursday afternoon, for the first time in camp memory, we had to send everyone to their cabins because of a severe thunderstorm that came through. It was pretty scary (especially in that small hut) with the 60 mph winds. We had a branch get torn off a tree and it fell on a car, but not any real damage.

Why me?

Yet another funny story to relate today: Yesterday, I traveled to Tulsa to be with my wife's parents as my father-in-law had a minor procedure to replace the battery in his pace maker. (That's not the funny part) Just after they had taken him into surgery, I asked my mother-in-law if she had had lunch yet. She said "no", so I offered to go get her and my sister-in-law something from the hospital cafeteria.

Let's just say it was an adventure.

St. Francis Hospital is quite large and has many banks of elevators and several different 'hospitals' or 'clinics' within the complex. We were in the Heart Center. I tried to make my way to the cafeteria, but I found myself outside at entrance to the Heart Center. I decided that instead of going back through the maze of corridors, I would simply walk around to the front main entrance where I could find my way from there. I forgot that it was 100 degrees and the short walk was quite hot!

I finally found the "Food Court". I guess modern hospitals are too fancy to have cafeterias. This one sells Starbuck's coffee... In any case, most of the courts within the Food Court were closed. All my in-laws wanted was a nice ham or chicken sandwich. The Deli Court was closed. As was the Pizza Court, Mexican Court, Soup Court, and one or two others that I can't recall.

The only "court" that was open was the Grill. They had one woman working as hard as she could frying burgers. The line wrapped around the salad bar and the donut cabinet. I had passed a vending machine room, so I thought I might try my luck there.

As I found the vending machines, I was happy to see one that sold sandwiches. Since it was about 2:30, there was only one sandwich left in the machine. It was $3.75. All I had was a $20 bill and the machines didn't take ATM cards. There was a change machine that said it accepted all paper denominations up to $20. I honestly figured that if you put in a $20 bill, you'd get back $5 worth of quarters and paper money to make up the difference.

Boy! Was I wrong!!

As I finally got the machine to accept my $20, it started spitting out quarters. It threw quarters on the floor and finally stopped. Just as I had retrieved all the quarters out of the holder and off the floor, it started spewing coins again! Fortunately, some of the coins were dollar coins, everything from Susan B. Antony, Sacajawea and the new Presidential dollars.

I finally recovered from that, then tried to buy the lone sandwich. I punched the buttons and made the sandwich come around to where I could pull back the little latch and get my goods. I dutifully deposited 3 dollar coins and 3 quarters.

Nothing.

I tried pulling on the little latch, but it kept saying "off line". I honestly had no idea what that meant, so I kept pulling latches and pushing buttons. Finally, I decided I'd start over, so I hit the "coin return" button.

I got exactly .55 back. Five dimes and a nickel. Go figure.

I thought about giving up, but then I remember my mother-in-law and that she was hungry, so I decided to try it again.

Success!!

My sister-in-law also wanted a sandwich, but she wasn't going to get one. She did say she'd like some plain potato chips. Wouldn't you know that the vending machine didn't sell plain potato chips?!?

BBQ Fritos, BBQ chips, wavy Sun Chips, Funions, Doritos were all in abundance. But no Lays...

So, I buy her the Dr. Pepper she asked for and a bag of Cheese-its. I get my mother-in-law the bottle of water she requested. I take the $10.95 worth of vending machine lunch back up to the Cardio-Out-Patient-Surgery-Waiting-Room (after I had to stop and ask directions twice) just in time for them to call and say that my father-in-law was out of surgery and we could come back and meet him in the recovery room!

They drank the Dr. Pepper and water. I don't know what happened to the sandwich and Cheese-its.

Why do things like this always happen to me?

The Worst Day Fishing...

...is better than the best day working.

But that's only if you can actually GO fishing!

I've been looking forward to this morning for two weeks. A man from my church asked me to go fishing with him this morning.

The sand bass (aka white bass) are running in my part of the State. He told me yesterday, that his cousins caught close to 100 on Monday and almost as many Tuesday.

Last evening, I went out to the store room and retrieved my poles and tackle box. I readied everything for a spectacular day of "sand bassing" (Yes, it IS a verb)

Jack came by at 7:15 this morning with his boat to pick me up. He took me to a place on the Grand River that I hadn't even heard of, "Choteau Bend". There were probably 50 or 60 people already there, because that's how many trucks and trailers there were parked around.

We got the boat all ready then headed down the ramp. Jack got in the boat and I backed it into the water. As soon as the motor was in the water, he gave the sign to stop, so that he could get it started. He messed around with it for a while and, after using some ether spray, got the thing started. He backed out and I pulled the truck out and parked.

When I got down to the water, Jack was trying to start the boat again. He tried the ether. He could get it to start, but couldn't keep it running. The boat drifted out in the current and Jack was headed down the river. Finally, some guys gave him a tow back in.

Then the news: it wasn't going to happen.

We got the trailer back down in the water, but only had a rope to get the boat loaded, as the motor wouldn't run. I rolled up my pants, took my wallet and phone out of my pocket, and headed down the trailer with the rope to try to man handle the boat onto the trailer.

The current was very strong. (did I mention that?)

I am VERY pleased to say that I only got wet up to my ankles. I DIDN'T fall in. It was a good thing, too, because the water was C-O-L-D!

So, while it may be true that the worst day fishing is better than the best day working, it only holds true if you actually get to go fishing.

Scamming the scammers

A friend of mine had his/her Hotmail account hijacked. The hijacker then sent out letters to everyone in the address book asking for help. He made the mistake of contacting me.

The following is the actual correspondence that took place between me and the scammer with my commentary in green.

m [mailto: @hotmail.com]
Sent: Sunday, February 15, 2009 8:55 PM
To:
Subject: I Need Your Help
Hello,

How are you doing? hope all is well with you and family,i am sorry that i didn't inform you about my traveling to England for a program called Empowering youth to fight racism,Hiv/Aids,and lack of education.

I need a favour (British spelling) from you as soon as you recieve this e-mail because i misplaced my wallet on my way to the hotel where my money,and other valuable things were kept i will like you to assist me with a soft loan urgently (definitely not an American term) with the sum of $2,500 US Dollars to sort-out my hotel bills and get myself back home.

I will appreciate whatever you can afford and i'll pay you back as soon as i return,Kindly let me know if you can be of help? so that i can send you the Details to use when sending the money through western union.

Regards,
M

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
From: rick
To: @hotmail.com
Subject: RE: I Need Your Help
Date: Mon, 16 Feb 2009 16:54:42 -0600

I had no idea that you were in trouble. Please contact me immediately so I know what to do. (I knew it wasn't my friend!)
Rick Boyne
Pastor

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
m [mailto: @hotmail.com]
Sent: Monday, February 16, 2009 5:23 PM
To: Rick Boyne
Subject: RE: I Need Your Help Hello Pastor,

Thanks for your help, Here is the details need to use when sending the money through western union.
Receivers : m
Address : 166,Borough High Street
Zip code : SE1 1JR
State : London
Country :England

After you have send the money, email to me the western union money transfer control number or you can attach and forward to me the western union money transfer receipt so that i can pick up the money and leave.

Thanks
m

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
From: rick
To: @hotmail.com
Subject: RE: I Need Your Help
Date: Mon, 16 Feb 2009 17:27:12 -0600

M,

Do you have a phone number that I could call? I needed to talk with you anyway about the donation to the children’s fund. (What children's fund?)

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
From: m [mailto:@hotmail.com]
Sent: Monday, February 16, 2009 7:15 PM
To: Rick Boyne
Subject: RE: I Need Your Help

Here is the hotel management phone number +447024076913 i will be expecting your call now. (I didn't think they'd actually send me a phone number!)

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
From: rick
To: @hotmail.com
Subject: RE: I Need Your Help
Date: Tue, 17 Feb 2009 08:50:34 -0600

M,

So sorry for the delay. I had a death that I had to attend to. Mrs Johnson’s niece, Roberta, (Who?) died in a car accident last evening. She burned alive. It was a horrible scene. I don’t think I have ever seen anything as grisly as that lifeless body lying on the street. (Sounds just awful!) To make matters worse, Rollston’s (who?) dogs where there and kept trying to “eat” the body. (Gross!) The police had to shoot the dogs. It was awful. (I'll bet they were pitbulls; sounds like something pitbulls would do)

A couple of things: 1)the church has agreed to dispatch $2000 to get you back home. (yea, right!) I’ll complete the transaction online at noon our time.(fat chance) 2) for some reason, our exchange is not allowing me to dial your number. (it might have gone through if I had actually tried) What hotel are you staying in? 3) I have some missionary friends in London (this is true, but I'd never get them involved!) who would be able to provide you the assistance you need at their guesthouse. You can check out of the hotel and into their guesthouse. It is only ?25/ night, it is safe, and it is comfortable. (Sounds like a deal. too bad it doesn't exist) It is not too far from the Western Union location that you specified below. If you want, I’ll get you their contact number. 4) what is your flight arrangements to come back? I’ll personally meet you at the airport. (oh, I'd like to meet him, all right!)

I’m sorry that you are having to have such a disastrous trip! I would have thought, with as much as you have traveled, that you could get yourself out of this mess. It must be a hum-dinger! When you get back, let’s go play some golf. By the way, when are you coming back to church? I haven’t seen you in 2 months or so? That is too long, my friend.

By the way, have you reported your lost wallet to the police? From my experience in London, the people are very honest and would have turned it into the police, unless it was some wretched foreigner from Nigeria or some other African country. (no offense intended for my friends from Africa I just reckoned it was a Nigerian doing a scam) (or it could have been a French tourist that took it! We all know how those French people are!)
Take care, friend.

Rick

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
From: m [mailto: @hotmail.com]
Sent: Tuesday, February 17, 2009 11:28 AM
To: Rick Boyne
Subject: RE: I Need Your Help Hey Pastor,

Am so sorry for death of mr johnsons may his soul rest in perfect peaces. (perfect peaces? Maybe he meant "pieces"? But the sentiment was a nice touch.)

The embassy here have already promised to give me a covering traveling papers that i will need to have my way back home, all i need right now is the money to settle up the bills and leave. Because the hotel managment dont allow me to move to any were now all because there money. all i need now is the money to settle up the bills and leave. I promise to pay the money back as soon as i return.

Thanks
m
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
From: rick
To: @hotmail.com
Subject: RE: I Need Your Help
Date: Tue, 17 Feb 2009 11:40:20 -0600

I understand about moving from the hotel. They can be very strict about things like this. Which hotel is it? I can use my influence to make them be nice to you. (my influence? ha!) We will send the money in 1 ? hours time. (don't hold your breath) We have to make the arrangements here on our end first. $2000 is a lot of money! ;-) Janice will be doing it via the Western Union Website. ( I wish I had someone like Janice to do my bidding!) Send me your flight details. I’ll pick you up at the airport.

Rick

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
From: m [mailto: @hotmail.com]
Sent: Tuesday, February 17, 2009 12:52 PM
To: Rick Boyne
Subject: RE: I Need Your Help

I have to pay the hotel management their money frist before going to the Airport to know my flight schedule, please you can try him again and talk to him so that they can gave free movement here call him now +447024041933 tell him you want to speck to the person in suit 206. (I don't think I want to "speck" to any "suit".)

Thanks
m
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
From: rick
To: @hotmail.com
Subject: RE: I Need Your Help
Date: Tue, 17 Feb 2009 12:58:21 -0600

M ,

That is a different number than the one you gave before. What hotel are you in?

Rick

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
From: m [mailto:@hotmail.com]
Sent: Tuesday, February 17, 2009 1:23 PM
To: Rick Boyne
Subject: RE: I Need Your Help

The first number i gave to you is the hotel phone number,the second one is the hotel management personal phone number, right now an in london city hotel. (good cover)

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

From: rick
To: @hotmail.com
Subject: RE: I Need Your Help
Date: Tue, 17 Feb 2009 13:24:01 -0600

Janice is working on sending you the transfer via Western Union. She seems to be having some difficulty. What is the name of the hotel you are staying in?
Rick

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
From: m [mailto: @hotmail.com]
Sent: Tuesday, February 17, 2009 1:30 PM
To: Rick Boyne
Subject: RE: I Need Your Help

London city hotel, if difficulty sending the money online through western union, look for any outlet around you to send the money. (I'm glad to know you're not chosy about how you get my money!)

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

From: Rick
Sent: Tuesday, February 17, 2009 1:41 PM
To: 'm
Subject: RE: I Need Your Help

M,

Janice got the transaction to go through. The $2000 should be there waiting for you. Time of transaction: 7:29 pm GMT. Amount US$2000.00. Sender: Janice Johnson. (not the aunt of the recently deceased Roberta, but a cousin, I think) Please let me know if it didn’t! That is a lot of money to send through the internet.

Send me your flight information as soon as you get it. I hope the Western Union office isn’t closed! I didn’t realize it was 7:30 pm there! (Oh rats! I hope this didn't cause you undo inconvenience!)
Rick

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
From: rick
To: @hotmail.com
Subject: RE: I Need Your Help
Date: Tue, 17 Feb 2009 15:50:26 -0600

M ,

Were you able to get the money yet?? Please let me know as soon as possible. (because I'm really concerned)
Rick +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

From: m [mailto:@hotmail.com]
Sent: Tuesday, February 17, 2009 5:54 PM
To: Rick Boyne
Subject: RE: I Need Your Help

i have been in western union office they ask me the sender name i told them also the MTCN but you have not send me the mtcn all i need now is the mtcn. (Oh rats! I hope this didn't cause you undo inconvenience!)

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

From: Rick
Sent: Wednesday, February 18, 2009 10:06 AM
To: 'm
Subject: RE: I Need Your Help

M,

I AM SO SORRY!!!! Since I have never done this before (and since Janice was the one who actually completed the transaction), I didn’t know you needed that. (Oh rats! I hope this didn't cause you undo inconvenience!) She tells me it is: Western Union MTCN #5993705206. (I looked up "western union MTCN" on Google and found that this number was being used on Nigerian Fraud stuff, so I thought he might try that one)

I wasn’t in the office when you sent the other emails. I had to attend to Mrs. Johnson and start making funeral arrangements. It seems that the coroner won’t release the body because there is now some suspicion that Roberta may have been involved in some sort of scam (the plot thickens)and this might have been a revenge killing. I am totally amazed at the gall of some people who try to get something for nothing! (can you read between the lines?)

Please let me know as soon as possible if this works and then let me know your flight arrangements. Hopefully, they won’t interfere with the funeral arrangements for Roberta. (that would be too bad)

Also, here is my American Airlines Frequent Flyer Account Number.: AA-BR5-49-867-5309. (OK, here is the fun part: recognize BR549 from Hee Haw? 867-5309 was a song by Tommy Tutone) I have over 600,000 miles racked up and it is transferable. Go ahead and see if American Airlines will upgrade you to first class. After all, with the problems you’ve been through, it’s the least I can do! (oh brother!) I wouldn’t give your problems to a monkey on a rock! (David Letterman)
Rick
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
From: rick
To: @hotmail.com
Subject: RE: I Need Your Help
Date: Wed, 18 Feb 2009 16:12:46 -0600

M,
I MADE A MISTAKE!!! (Oh rats! I hope this didn't cause you undo inconvenience!) I’m so sorry. I accidentally copied down the wrong MTCN number. It SHOULD BE #5993750206 not #5993705206. I looked at it again this afternoon. I hope that you are able to get it.

Please send me your flight information as soon as possible.
Rick
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
From: m [mailto: @hotmail.com]
Sent: Wednesday, February 18, 2009 4:51 PM
To: Rick Boyne
Subject: RE: I Need Your Help

Thanks for your help, i have receiverd the money (how interesting! are you sure you just didn't get tired of me jacking you around?) i will send you my flight information as soon as i know my flight schedule tomorrow morning.

Am so greatfull pastor I promise to pay back as soon as i return home.
Thanks
M
+++++++++++++++++++++

From: Rick
To: 'm
Sent:
Wednesday, February 18, 2009 5:09 PM
Subject: RE: I Need Your Help

M,

I am so glad you received the money. I want to tell you a story about a little boy named Jaguda. (Jaguda is Nigerian for thief or fraudent person) He thought he was smart; but he was so stupid he thought he could swindle a kind pastor out of some money. But what Jaguda didn’t know was that the pastor had notified the London police (true) and is pressing charges against him for fraud.( I would if I could) Jaguda also didn’t know that he was recorded on surveillance cameras at the Western Union office. (Most likely to be true) Jaguda didn’t know that the kind pastor had given the London police copies of all the emails between him and Jaguda. (I've offered to give it to them, but copied down most of the pertinent info in the report I made) Jaguda also didn’t know that Ogum (a Nigerian god of vengence) would soon come to kick his sorry rear end (I had to keep this PG) all the way back to Lagos! (Capitol of Nigeria) I think your visa/resident status in the UK is now in jeopardy. (possibly so if the London police actually look into this)

Surely you don’t think I am as stupid as you? Marty is a person who would NEVER travel to the UK. Marty notified me as soon as the email account was stolen.

Now then, please return Marty’s hotmail account back. Please reset the password then notify me when this is done and I will drop the pending legal charges. Don’t think about it; just do it. It is the right thing to do.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++


Now for the best part of the whole thing!?! I got an email from my friend this morning saying that their Hotmail account had been restored to them! I told them to go immediately and change the password, just incase our friend in London has second thoughts.
What a story!

Office Funny

OK, I've been in my office for a little over 2 hours now. I turned the heat on when I arrived, for it was 45 degrees in here. 2 hours later, it is only 55 degrees in here. My hands were cold, I haven't taken my coat off yet, and I've had three cups of coffee. I'M STILL COLD!

So, I get to thinking "maybe something's wrong with the furnace". I go over to the vent in the ceiling to feel if air is warm or cold. Then it hits me.

Last Sunday morning, the men gather in my office to pray for the service and for me, before the service starts. On of them is very tall and he was standing right in the line of fire of the vent, so he reached up and closed it.

He never re-opened it!

Well, just since I've started typing this post, the temp has already raised to a balmy 59 degrees!

Yeah furnace!!!

A Funny Story

I can play the piano a little by ear. I can read music to sing, but not to play multiple notes at the same time on an instrument. (That's not the funny part)

Well, I've been encouraging people at church to not hide their talents and rely on God's strength to do things. Unfortunately, this convicted me as well. (That's not the funny part, either).

Sunday night, I asked the pianist if she had worked up a special for the "Offertory". She said she was just going to play a hymn, but hadn't picked one out yet. I asked her if I could play the offertory. She said "sure". (ok, that's kind of funny, but isn't the punch line yet)

So, as the deacons were praying for the evening offering, I slipped around to the organ. I had been practicing "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing" for some time and had even worked out a rudimentary foot pedal accompaniment. Well, as soon as the deacon said 'amen', I came down hard on the keys. Well the regular organist wasn't feeling well, so there hadn't been anyone even AT the organ when the deacon began praying. I forgot to pre-set the volume on the organ and it was like a rocket ship blasting off in the sanctuary! When I got done, people commented that "you ought to let us know before you do something like that again! It nearly scared us out of our shoes!"

Ok, that was the funny part. You can go about your business now.

Get ready to laugh!

I have a blogger friend, (WHOM I'VE ACTUALLY MET!!!) who wrote the following post on her blog. Honest to goodness, I laughed so hard I snorted! I hope you enjoy it as much:

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Funny Story

I thought I'd share a really funny story....

I came home from work early today because of a virus. Ick. Mark was incredibly sweet; tucked me in and let me sleep for a few hours. I got up later in the afternoon and curled up on the couch, ready to watch an episode of the "John Adams" miniseries. (Which is excellent, btw.) Mark joined me on the couch and ate some crackers as we hung out.

A while later, he leaned towards me and said, "Ginny, I love you more than Jesus." To be honest, I was horrified. In no way do I want my wonderful husband loving me more than our Savior! I think I had a horrified look on my face as several thoughts raced through my head. I said in a hushed tone, "You should never say that, Mark. Never."

Mark got a really confused look on his face and said, "Ginny, what are we talking about?" I replied, "You should never say that you love me more than you love Jesus." He started laughing, and said....

"Ginny, I said I love you more than Cheez-its. CHEEZ-ITS."

(For all my international friends, Cheez-its are crackers.)

We had a good laugh. :)

Thanks, Ginny. I needed that!

Racing Heart

Yesterday, I was given the honor and privilege of delivering the annual missions sermon at the 96th Annual Meeting of the Muskogee Baptist Association. I have known for many months what I wanted to preach on. I chose II Kings 7:3-9, where the lepers where sitting outside the gates of Samaria which was being besieged by King Ben-hadad of Aram. A desperate situation was inside the city and they were resorting to cannibalism to survive. The lepers were also starving, but hey were outside the gates. They got the idea to go to the camp of the Arameans to see if they would have mercy on them. They didn't know that God had scared them off and the camp had been abandoned.

The lepers found food and ate their fill. Then they carted off silver and other loot and hid it for later. Finally, their consciences got the better of them and they decided that since this was a "day of good news" they better not keep it to themselves. They went back and told the city that salvation could be found in the camp.

I likened this to the Christian's journey: salvation is found in Jesus; the new believer gets his fill of the new blessing (discipleship), then goes and tells others of the blessing (evangelism/missions).

Well, it seemed to go OK. I interspersed stories of our time in Africa in the sermon and tried to make it very personal. Before the meeting started (like a few months ago) I was told that I would have 2o minutes for the sermon. When I looked at the program yesterday afternoon, I found that I had actually been allowed 45.

The sanctuary of the church where the meeting was held didn't have a clock for me to go by. There was one on the pulpit, but the battery was dead. I forgot to take my watch off and lay it there (but we all know it doesn't mean anything when preachers do that!).

Well, I got confused on the time. I kept trying to snatch glimpses of my watch, but mixed up. As I finished, I was proud of myself for finishing 20 minutes early. As I walked away, I began to think about it some more and then realized instead of finishing 20 minutes early, I had actually gone over by 40 minutes!

A wave of humiliation/grief/lament/sorrow/embarassment swept over me. I had been afforded this incredible opportunity and had unabashedly abused it! My heart began to race and I started sweating from all the adrenylan in my system. I was losing my breath! My heart was pounding!

Finally, as I thought more about it, I decided to take another look at a program. Then I looked at my watch again.

I HADN'T gone over 40 minutes! I was only over by 8! And since we were a few minutes late anyway, no one thought a thing about it!

Another funny thing that happened during the sermon was that my phone began to ring. Now, I had it on vibrate, but everyone who knew me (I thought) knew I was going to be preaching at about this time. However, my good friend, Quinn, from South Carolina, wasn't aware of this particular addition to my schedule. He ended up leaving a voice message asking me who the quarterback for Texas Tech was, (as if I knew or cared!).

Sorry I didn't call you back, Quinn!

A Smile for Tuesday

We are having a unique event at our church this week. It is a revival specifically for senior adults. It is an associational event and we happen to be hosting it.

I needed 6 guys to take up the offering, so, I selected six of my pastor buddies. They went down when they called for the ushers. At the end of the prayer, the pray-er told the congregation to be seated.

Half of the pastors sat down on the front row INSTEAD OF TAKING UP THE OFFERING!

I thought I was going to die laughing! They aren't used to being on this side of the pulpit and were dutifully obeying the request from the speaker.

What a hoot!

Quick Story

They say, "The worst day fishing is better than the best day working." After today, I'm not so sure!

When we got to the river, there was a boat laying on the ground on the boat ramp. Several guys were standing around and one finally made their way towards us (me and a guy from church). They said that they were launching their boat, but forgot to unhook the strap that hold it on the trailer. When they pulled out of the water, the 10 ft strap let out then pulled the boat right out of the river and up the ramp. The driver didn't even know it! Well, we all got together and lifted/shoved it back in the water.

Then came our turn. We couldn't get the motor started to save our lives! Finally, we gave up and pulled the boat back out of the river and decided to do some bank fishing. Well, I caught the two smallest catfish I have EVER seen. I bet they weren't 5 inches long each. We had several fish get our bait, but we didn't get any keepers.

Still, I came back smelling like fish!

I'm off to my in-laws for the evening and tomorrow. I probably won't have a chance to respond to any comments until Sunday or Monday...

Bonne Weekend!

How much?

I mentioned in yesterday's post that we were looking a beautiful 1964 Ford Falcon convertible for sale right here in Wagoner. We went to look at it and were sorely tempted to buy it, given the price. The only hitch in the deal was that we don't have a garage and it would be a shame to let such a beautiful care sit out in the weather.

When we asked, both Sally and I heard the man say "fourteen fifty".

Well, last night at Walmart, we ran into him again and he asked us about our interest in it. We told him we were very, very interested, but that we didn't have a garage to put it in. It is, after all, a parade car.

He then told us that he had had several callers but everyone became disinterested when they heard the price. He said, "I guess they thought they could pick it up for 5 or 6 THOUSAND!"

5 or 6 THOUSAND? I thought he said $1450. He MUST have said fourteen THOUSAND; but it sure didn't sound like it.

If we'd had a garage, I would have whipped out my check book with an offer of $1200. Boy! Would I have looked foolish, huh?

What's $10,000 among friends!?! YIKES!!!!!

Nearly a CAT-astrophe!

(Long post - but worth the read!)

Well, the kids finally named the cat - Missy....

Tuesday evening, we noticed that Missy wasn't coming around anywhere in the house. We looked all over for her and couldn't find her. We told the kids to not worry, as cats will often find a nice quiet place and take a nap.

Well, during supper, Missy never showed up. I noticed that the dogs across the street kept barking and wouldn't calm down. "Just for fun" I looked out to make sure they weren't barking at Missy. We looked for Missy again and couldn't find her.

I went outside with a flashlight and looked all around the house and the yard, and called out "Here, Kitty, Kitty" (as if she recognized my voice the second day). Since we couldn't find her in the house, I told my fears to Sally, that I thought that one of the girls had accidentally let the cat out of the house.

We sat down to watch American Idol and I heard the dogs barking next door even more, so I went outside again with the flashlight. (It's been to Africa and back!) I walked across the street (jumping a ditch filled with rainwater) and shined it all around the neighbor's yard, hoping they wouldn't call the police on me. I didn't see anything and was back on my porch when I took one last look across the street.

That's when I saw her. Like a flash of black lightening, the terrified cat dashed from the neighbor's yard towards the South and down the block.

I took off after her calling "Here, Kitty, Kitty" (as if she recognized by voice). She actually did stop and waited for me to get to her before she took off again back to the neighbor's yard. I finally caught up with her in the neighbor's yard and that poor little kitty-cat was definitely traumatized; you see, she has never been out of the house before!

Her fur was all standing straight up and her eyes were dilated wide open. She had lost her collar. She had clearly been overwhelmed by her first outdoor experience.

As I picked her up, I saw the fear in her eyes. She hissed and scratched and tried to get away. I tried to calm her by talking softly and rubbing her ears and face. She did seem to calm a little bit. By the time that I made it back to our house, she was in a tolerable state.

However, I began to have some doubts... Is this the right cat? What happened to her collar? Why is her tail so fluffy?

What nonsense! How many little black kitty-cats can there be in our neighborhood? Well, I brought her in the house and everyone said that they didn't think it was Missy, because her tail was too fluffy. I took her back outside and let her go. She ran under my car. I went in, but came right back out, knowing full well, that the tail was big because she was scared silly.

She came out from under the car and came on to the porch, where I had sat down. She sat there by my while I stroked her fur. Finally, I decided it was our cat and took her in the house. The kids were crying and when I told them I thought it was her, everyone rejoiced.

We put her down and left her alone for a little while. She went into the office and hid behind the desk. I went in and sat down. She came out to me a couple of times to let me pet her. Finally, her eyes began to get yellow again and her fur began to lay down. She was calming down.

I decided she had calmed down enough that I could leave her alone so I went to hang up my coat. As I did, Missy followed me down the hall and went straight to Emily. Her tail was all the way back down to little-bitty and we discovered that she hadn't lost her collar after all; it must have been the fluffy fur simply hiding it.

Then I had a thought.

I walked back down the hall and looked into the office. Behind the desk was a little back kitty cat that clearly didn't belong to us! What was clear was that Missy had never left the house and had found a really, really quiet place to take a very long nap!

My goodness.....



As a follow up to the story, I let the other cat out and she showed up last night at our front door, meowing, wanting some more of that good Boyne lovin'!